“I Remember You. You’re Persistent”: Advocacy After Suicide Loss

Each year between January and May, AFSP chapters host Advocacy Action Days in state capitals across the country. The next annual Advocacy Forum, which brings together AFSP Volunteer Advocates from across the country to make their voices heard for suicide prevention and mental health, takes place May 10-13, 2026. Learn more here.

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There are many reasons people get involved in public policy advocacy related to suicide prevention.

For me, it’s one of the ways I stay connected to Tom.

Tom was my stepdad who raised me since I was five. He was smart, funny, kind, and someone I looked up to and admired. He was my rock.

And then I lost him to suicide. He died the day before my 25^th birthday, and his funeral was on my son’s 4^th birthday. March is a hard month for our family.

That kind of loss changes you. It changes your family. It changes the way you hear certain words, the way you look at the people you love, the way you carry time. There’s a “before,” and there’s an “after,” and you don’t get to choose it.

For a long time, grief felt isolating: like something we didn’t have language for; something too heavy to share.

Getting involved as a Volunteer Advocate for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention gave me language. And it gave me a way forward.

It also gave me a connection back to Tom. He had a passion for public policy, so when I show up to advocate now, it feels like I’m stepping into something he would have valued. Like I’m taking something he believed in and turning it into action.

You don’t have to be “a political person.” Anyone can sign up to receive emails from the AFSP public policy Action Center, and stay up to date on the federal and state bills that need your support. You can show that support simply by clicking a few buttons and sending along a pre-written note to your representatives.

But AFSP also hosts events like Advocacy Action Days, in state capitals across the country, where Volunteer Advocates can meet with elected officials. And to be involved at this level, you still don’t need to be “a political person.”

One of the biggest myths about advocacy is that you have to walk into these meetings knowing everything.

You don’t.

AFSP prepares advocates with training and written materials before we ever step into an office. We learn about the issues we’re focusing on. We get talking points. We get printed information to leave behind. We even get copies for ourselves so we can walk through it confidently.

I’ve gone to many Advocacy Action Days in Nebraska. Some years, I’m set up in meetings where I can share my voice along with other volunteers. But sometimes, my job is literally dropping off folders to offices across the capital. That might sound small, but it matters. It gives me the chance to walk the halls, pop into offices, meet staff, and talk to leaders I might never get to see otherwise.

And here’s what I’ve learned from doing this year after year:

Senators. Representatives. Legislative assistants. Staffers. They’re all humans with lives and families and stories… just like the rest of us.

When you share your story with someone, you’d be surprised how often they share theirs right back.

I’ve met leaders from all over my state who have told me about their own suicide loss. I’ve met staffers who have quietly shared their lived experience with suicide after hearing why I’m there. Those moments stay with you and carry in your heart. They remind you that advocacy isn’t just about policy, it’s about connection.

And sometimes it’s about being persistent.

A few years ago at the annual Advocacy Forum in Washington, D.C., I walked into a meeting and met someone with a deep personal connection to suicide loss. They were carrying a lot of grief, and the conversation became intense: about mental health systems, research, and frustration with how things work today.

I was there as a Volunteer Advocate, not as a researcher or a clinician. I didn’t have every answer they wanted.

But I shared what I could. And when I didn’t know something, I did exactly what we’re trained to do. I made sure the right experts could follow up.

The next year, we met with that same office again. This time, we came with a full team, including national experts and additional advocates, ready to answer the hard questions and keep the conversation moving forward.

As we walked out, the staffer we met with gently stopped me and said, “I remember you. You’re persistent.” And they smiled.

That moment stuck with me.

When I share my story, Tom doesn’t disappear into the past. He becomes real again, even if only for a moment. He becomes a person instead of a statistic. I get to say his name. I get to describe who he was. I get to tell people what I loved about him, what drove me crazy about him, and what I miss the most.

Every time I tell his story, it’s like I’m refusing to let suicide be the only thing people remember about him.

Tom’s story is also important because it reflects a reality we can’t ignore. He was a white man in his 50s, and that is one of the biggest demographics affected by suicide loss. That matters because it means his story is not rare. It’s not an outlier. It’s part of a pattern that we have to consider, just as we consider every demographic or community with disproportionate impacts related to suicide.

Suicide prevention advocacy is important to me because it’s love in action. It’s how I honor Tom. It’s how I keep him close. It’s how I try to turn pain into purpose.

If you’ve ever thought about getting involved in advocacy but you’ve hesitated because you didn’t think you were the “right type” of person for it, I want you to know: you are.

If you care about mental health.
If you’ve been impacted by suicide.
If you want to help create change.

You belong here.

AFSP will prepare you. We’ll give you what you need. We’ll walk you through it step by step. You don’t have to be an expert. You don’t have to have the perfect words. You just have to be willing to show up.

Because advocacy isn’t always about immediate wins. Sometimes it’s about showing up again. Sometimes it’s about building trust. Sometimes it’s about staying at the table even when it’s uncomfortable.

And sometimes… being persistent is the win.

Because your story matters. Your voice matters. And this work saves lives.

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Learn more about American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Public Policy Events here.